“where’d you hear that from?”

Date: 17th October 2009

Music: The Fear, Lily Allen

Lyn is: musing / pondering.

to me, that’s about all it’s good for, really. xD

After having kept several blogs, Friendster, and now a Facebook account, i’m pretty much certain that i’m not exactly the most private person, in the sense that i don’t purposefully keep to myself. As a matter of fact, i get decidedly excited at even the prospect of being able to share something, like those moments when i’m not at home, and get struck by a sudden thought and i have to announce / blurt / rant / rave /  giggle / present  it on my Facebook page via mobile. (Speaking of which, i don’t think i’ve officially introduced my new gadget on my blog yet, along with the tons of other things i have yet to blog about)

So yes, i like sharing my thoughts, my moments, my issues, and so on. I once had a theory that i’m more taken by the idea of expressing myself in a literal way, just the endeavour of forming my jumbled brainworks into appropriate words and then getting them properly odered and arranged intro proper and coherent sentences,  far more than i enjoy the actual sharing of myself to others. But then i realized that that theory may have held water if i wasn’t blogging to … well, basically anyone and everyone, really. And while i maintain that i’d like the contents of my pages to be viewed by those i do know, and even more so by those i’m actually writing to or about, or writing with them in mind, i can’t deny either that it’s pleasant to find that a new friend has become a follower of my (currently rather dead) blog, or even that a relative actually found my space (yes, i’m talking about you, cousin dearest).

But.

Sometimes i get… (‘annoyed’ being too strong a feeling) awkward, and fine, perhaps even a tinge of annoyance, when people know things about me that i thought they wouldn’t /didn’t, and more importantly, that i don’t remember telling them. No, it’s not scandalous things about how i cheated on Melia with Evie (Ooops), but details of / about me that are really harmless and sometimes even trivial.It’s usually something like me getting a shock when someone gives me the “i know where you were last week…” when i never told anyone. Or about someone i’ve been seeing rather often, or some place i’ve been going, or a random activity / excursion that i got hooked on. (Come to think of it, all of them sound rather shady, but the real events are totally normal and proper, i promise.)  But think about it. Since they (he / she / it) heard it from someone, since it obviously wasn’t me, what about the times when there’s misunderstanding? Or wrong information? Or what if it wasn’t something i wanted to share with anyone else? Or what if someone just really really has to say something nasty about me, just to get it out of their system?

I know what you’re thinking. I’m being a drama queen again, aren’t i? Maybe i am. But at least you heard that first hand from me, right? (There she goes again..)

Having said all that, and admitting that really, i’m not famous, let alone popular enough, to be talked about that often, i just feel that if it’s about me, you should hear it from the latter. Ooooh, i’m being nitpicky again.

“What product should Apple release next?”

“Oooooh, they should come up with this really expensive product that would be really hard to get your hands on because it costs so much, and it doesn’t really do anything, or it doesn’t work. Then they could call it iRony!”

[~ some Aussie stand-up comedy]

Have a good weekend, dear readers! =)

iBlabbed.

~lyn.

while i was in pain…

Date: 6th September 2009

Music: We made you, Eminem

Lyn is: being un-ladylike

*burp*

Took a trip down the road for a visit to the 24-hour clinic because of the spasms of pain around my abdominal area. Despite the late hour, there was still a line of patients, so was forced to squirm and writhe in pain while stuck in the waiting room. Then, after what seemed like agonizing hours  (in truth, the line wasn’t that long, i was just exaggerating, a privilege i reckon i qualify for, since i’m in pain), i got diagnosed with a mild  case of food poisoning (mild?!), along with yet another one for the record-

Doctor: Have you just finished your UPSR?

lyn: *stunned and in pain, so just kept quiet*

Mum: *laughs* UPSR… *in a reminisce-ish tone* That was a long time ago.

Ah, i’ll live. With both the pain and misconceptions, while they last. ;)

Have a good week, dear readers.

Smiles,

~lyn.

story of my life?

Date: 31st August 2009

Music: Ordinary Day, Katheine McPhee

Lyn is: heartsick

…watch the world pass you by.

[Vietnam, 2009]

I’ve always thought that most things required to be rather profound or exciting before they qualified or were worthy to be blogged about, or reported. I’d always deemed my blog to be a treasure throve of those fragments or snapshots of those parts of my life, those solitary moments where i felt compelled to put my thoughts or feelings into concise sentences, not just for my future self, but for others who want to know what’s going on in my life, with me, around me. I liked the intense jolt of nostalgia or the mere experience of being brought back to that place or feeling that i’d had at some other point in my life.

Then my phone deleted my archive of text messages.

Leaving me with this sense of emptiness, perhaps even of abandonment, an eerie echo of  incompletion.

Thinking back, i don’t think i had many messages that were that special, it isnt like people write heartbreakingly beautiful sms-es or anything. But being a collector of sorts, it frustrated me to no end that this mass of information – appointment dates and times, lame jokes, birthday wishes, hormonal rants, familiar banter, unimportant details and complaints, instructions on how to live life my way…- was gone, all gone, disappearing into this abyss of nothing-ness and non-existence. It was as if 3months-worth of my life’s essence and, in a way, journaling, had been totally erased and cruelly swiped out from before my eyes and from my head, in a blink of an eye.

Then i realized that memories or recollections, however detailed i may record them, cannot be brought back with as much fullness and life, when i focused on those ‘big’ things, issues, etc. I do miss those little, seemingly insignificant bits.

…In a way, this is my way of resolving to chronicle my life, no matter how uninspired i may sound at times, or how mundane and routine it may come to sound. But in detail and innocent ranting comes richness and completion, kan? Besides, it’s my story. …And i’m not always profound or exciting. xD

…To those who have missed me so, i apologize. I will try to update my blog more often, so do try to bear with me, and perhaps i’ll even venture into saying thanks for being loyal followers to the point of chastising me to update?

Smiles and laugh, with a tinge of loss and mourning.

~lyn.

the blonde

Date: 16th April 2009

Music: Falling in love with you, The Corrs

Lyn was: slightly high.

Alright. I was sitting in the garden with mum late on Thursday night, watching her as she tended to her beloved orchids. Doing nothing in particular except throwing her random statements or questions and stroking my dog, who was lying by my feet, i suddenly trailed off while flipping the aforementioned canine’s ears back and forth, between my fingers. Then out of the blue, came the first few lines of the composition below, and i promise, my mum stopped and turned around, this look that said ‘did you have something funny for lunch?’ frozen across her features.

So forgive me if it isn’t perfect or of much literary value, as t was at the spur of the moment, and i just sribbled it down.

Jiji, oh Jiji, with ears so fine,
silken to touch, ever divine.
Your short, unfussed coat,
like honeyed sunshine.
What paws to behold,
so well defined.
Whiskers that prickle,
even those i don’t mind.

Majestic fur chest proudly held out,
Your characteristic pout,
Perpetually moist snout (xD)
Those that sparkle with content,
with mischief and yet hold poise,
a warm amber are your eyes.

Demure yet exciteable,
Foolish yet wise.
How you stile our hearts,
even when you were half your size.

Dedicated to the ever attention-deprived one, who, in some ways, is greatly similar to a pig.

Yes, you will be fed tomorrow as well. xD

~lyn.

Sikit-sikit, lama-kelamaan menjadi bukit…

Date: 31st March 2009
Music: Tightrope, Stephanie McIntosh
Lyn is: determined.

I’ll admit, i was excited about Earth Hour. No, i wasn’t at some gathering for the event itself, but i did turn off all the lights in the house and sit outside in the garden with mum to paint toenails by candlelight. xD

Don’t want it to be a hype that dies away and is forgotten, until the annual event comes up again. Therefore, have come up with a practical, albeit rather silly list of what i pledge to do, so  my future generations have the opportunity to break a few limbs from climbing trees,  be afraid of butterflies, sprint away at the sight of a cockroach, watch beetles scale the undulating surface of their thumbs, be able to be cornered by leeches when taking hikes in massive forests, get swept  downstream by strong river currents, and have the company of exceptionally attention-deprived (ie: maja) dogs.

credits: Kharax

1. I will unplug the chargers, etc from the  electrical sockets, since they apparently still use up electrical energy while plugged in (even if the switches are turned off).

2. Instead of driving for less than 2 kilometres, i will walk down to the shops to buy the groceries

3. I will learn from the ever-practical Win and throw my cardboard  Rocky packaging into the ‘paper’ recycling chute

4. I will get a grip and save water by not attempting to drown cockroaches and just. squish. them. instead. It is very unrealistic to still believe that they can actually crawl up your arm when you didn’t really cream them on the first blow.

5. Plastic bags aren’t biodegradeable. I will therefore TRY to master the art of picking up after my dog, using old newspaper instead of plastic bags, even if the former is a much safer alternative.

6. The air conditioner actually keeps the room at a certain temperature, so keeping it on an hour before i’m actually in the room will not make it more comfortable. I can afford to sweat a little, the earth’s atmospheric layer can’t..

7. Taps don’t have a mind of their own and don’t turn themselves off when the water isn’t being used. I will therefore make it a point to turn them off, no matter how short a time i feel i’m ‘just letting it run’, even if it means getting toothpaste down my wrist.

8. I will not succumb to my obsessive compulsive behaviour and refrain from using 3 pieces of tissue paper during the course of one meal.

9. All paper deserves to be recycled, no matter how disasterous and unsatisfactory i may find the content. (ie: essays that turned out THAT bad shouldn’t just be crumpled up and vehemently thrown into the rubbish bin)

10. I will print on both sides of the paper.

Smiles.

~lyn.

Esse

Date: 16th February 2009

Music: Un Giorno per Noi, Josh Groban

Lyn is: on a roll. xD

*stomach growls*

From Mia. For Mia (to relieve her of syiok-sendiri-ness). Come to think of it, i miss Mia. o.O

Rules: Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real, nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can’t use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name? : Su-lyn.

2. A four letter word : Sean.  (a recurring thought during all the times i’ve wanted to start cursing at you. xD)

3. A boy’s name : *looks at previous* … Samuel.

4. A girl’s name : Samantha. (that was easy… xD)

5. An occupation : Scientist?

6. A color :Silver (oh mia… =D )

7. Something you’ll wear : Socks.

8. A sport: Skating!

9. A food : Sushi.

10. Something found in the bathroom: Soap.

11. A place : Santa Maria (ah. memories.)

12. A reason for being late : stuck in traffic.

13. Something you’d shout : Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

14. A movie title : Saving Private Ryan

15. Something you drink : Smoothies

16. A musical group : Sting?

17. An animal : Stag

18. A street name : Sultan Something Something?

19. A type of car : Saloon? xD

20. The title of a song? : Saving me, Nickleback.

…..and that’s all folks!!

Nites, and have a great week, my dear readers. =)

~lyn.

The list of 25

Date: 16th February 2009

Music: Why can’t i? ,

Liz Phair Lyn is: listing.

Return of the icons. (jeng jeng jeng!)

(p/s: the ‘U’!!!! ugh, spelling. -_-”)

Tagged on Facebook by :

i) cat
ii) fatin
iii) anniesu
iv) ernest
v) joyce
vi) michele
vii) evie

… That means, it has to be done.

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you! … are you ready? xD

1. accidental, adventitious, aimless, arbitrary, casual, contingent, designless, desultory, drfitless, fluky, fortuitous, incidental, indiscriminate, irregular, objectless, odd, purposeless, spot, stray, unaimed, unconsidered, unplanned, unpremeditated … I checked the thesaurus for synonyms of ‘random’, wondering how many would / could actually describe me.

2. I personally think that while some people just do tags to fill up blog entries, for me it actually generates more ideas / proses / muses for me.  Therefore, tags =  dangerous.

3. I usually include synonyms in my sentences / speech / messages because sometimes i want to get that precise word but can’t pick / decide which one it is.

4. I actually came up with this list in the car, on the way home.

5. I have a thing for one-liners / catch-phrases / tag-lines. I actually have a book for them.

6. American spelling. I have a love-hate relationship with it.

7. I always thought i’d be taller than i am.

8. I cannot function without my vertical relationship.

9. I enjoy driving. Not merely for its functionality, but the entire experience.

10. The only reason to why i have so many (ear) piercings is because at a point in my life, i decided that i had too many earrings and not enough piercings to wear them.

11. Despite all his annoying habits, insults, arrogance, temper, vanity, silly lines, self-centered-ness, and his habit of always getting me into trouble, the boy i love the most in the world is my brother, and i think he’s a severely awesome person.

12. I have a secret liking for cats, for their agility and majestic grace, though their metaphoric ‘catiness’ simply puts me off.

13. Besides wanting to b a boy, my dearest childhood wish was for an identical twin.

14. My latest retort line for anything (even out of context, for when i don’t feel like coming up with a proper remark) is “… maybe tomorrow”.

15. I don’t (and don’t want to) know the exact number of moles on my face.

16. My dad says he’ll disown me if i remove any of my facial moles.

17. I adore British / Celtic accents.

18. Valentine’s Day. I still believe that when you’re truly in love, everyday is Valentine’s Day. (attached: an earnest wish for all this commercial rubbish to stop.)

19. Having only a Chinese name, i’ve had 10(?) english names that i tried to adopt, before realising that i’m perfectly fine with what i have.

20. I never had a real best friend until towards the end of primary school (as compared to those who have been besties since they were in kindergarden and stuff)

21. I’ve always thought / broken down laughing when i hear certain Chinese / Mandarin / any other dialect words, because i think they sound funny or vulgar.  Which is probably why i’m a banana.

22. Whenever i go to the doctor and he / she asks if i have any allergies, i’ll nod and say “homework”.

23. I’m a Leo. Horoscope-wise. Apparently, though i always thought that the descriptions of Leos never quite applied to / sounded like me.

24. I’m very ‘cheong hei’ (long-winded), especially in the most trivial of things.

25. I listen to cacat / worthless / dumb / lousy / IQ-dropping / cringe-worthy / depth-less / pointless  songs because of singular lines that i like.

…phew. How many of those didn’t you already know? *beams*

on to the next one. =)

~ lyn.

heady header

Date: 11th January 2009

Music: Stuck on you, Paramore

Lyn is: content

Just a lil welcome to my new header, the new element to my page, the very first one that is actually made my yours truly.

* beams*

farewell

I don’t think there’s a need to explain any further than the obvious, related to the significance of someone wearing white, with bright and sunny background, alongside a black-clad, slightly soiled individual, nor the fact that both of them are individually clear and defined, stark against the other.

Credits go to Emmy Rossum and Kelly Clarkson for the awesome pictures.

“… stuck on you, ’til the end of time,
i’m too tired to fight your rhyme. “
[Stuck on you, Paramore]

Smiles.

~lyn.

from L-embu to P-ro(bation)

Date: 11th January 2009

Music: Ordinary world, Katherine McPhee

Lyn is: tickled.

I remember the first time I tried to cycle without the trainer wheels attached to the back tyre of the bicycle. My dad had decided that i was too old to be having those two tiny wheels to help me balance while riding the bike. So, one fine afternoon, he got out his big metal toolbox and dismantled my trusty (and worn) trainer wheels. Pushing the bike to the back lane of our Sunway house,  i felt a sense of fear as well as weariness, knowing that it was a whole new mode of transportation. I had graduted from riding the bicycle that rattled ohsoloudly as i cycled over the gravel-covered lanes. Oops, got ahead of myself. I hadn’t successfully ridden the unsteady bike yet.

Without so much as an encouraging push-off as i mounted my bike, my dad turned to tending to his plants rather than watching his daughter’s first few pedals. (From all the American movies (darn them), fathers often watch tapes of their 6-7 year old daughters’ cycling expeditions / successes, the latter at that time being, very often, grown up- which is why i’m being so dramatic about this. xD) Shakily, i tried to manouvere the bike that refused to go in a straight line, having to dismount many times when it swerved too much to the side. Then, i was finally able to gain momentum and was on my way, unsteadily, but moving nonetheless. Pedal after pedal, i felt the exhiliration of actually being able to move the bicycle such a distance. Well, it was short-lived. You know how tarmac roads have these sunken parts where man-holes (with their metal covers) lie?

I’ve theorized that it would’ve been a monumental success that day, if only the road were smoother. But well, one can’t change the facts, can they? Instead of beaming as i dismounted the bike, my memory brings back the image of my father jogging towards me, clapping, grinning, and cheering things like “Well done, lah!! Well done!” as i whinced from where i sat in the (considerably deep) drain, having skinned much of my knees when i skidded over the gravel before falling in. Pushing aside the offensive mode of transport, my father helped me up and clapped me on the back  before aiding me in hobbling back to the house, and laughing at my “lesson learned” for that day as i got Acriflavine dabbed into my stinging wounds. Mum wasn’t as light-hearted when she found out, but that day, i rode a bike properly.

Several years later…

Mum: Slow down. There’s a bottle-neck ahead.
Dad: Go faster, lah. You’re barely 90 (km/h).
Mum: (i imagined an offended look) She’s a P! 90 should be the limit!
Dad: (points lazily) She’s overtaking. Besides, she’s barely touching 90.
Lyn: o.O…

Laughs and smiles,

~ lyn.

let it sink in

Date: 6th January 2008

Music: Superhuman, Chris Brown & Keri Hilson

Lyn is: letting it sloooowly sink in.

missing you already.

Yes, i have shamefully left my blog unattended, unguarded, totally exposed and vulnerable to whatever that means to attack it, tear it to shreds… To every person who has requested for me to update my blog, here it is. I apologise for the delay, but i will try to keep the updates coming, especially since i’ve got tons to share.

Anyway. Yes, i’ve once again contradicted myself when i said “I generally dislike Chris Brown”. But admit it, who isn’t even the slightest bit a fan of duets, especially with those strained, prolonged, chords, overlapping melodies and pitches,  so full of longing and adoration? …But i digress.

Living up to the expectations of the single word “nerd”, the programme that  is likened to it began when government schools all over the country did. Merciless and unrelenting, it’s only been Day 2 of college and i feel pinched to dissolve into the mould that looks exactly like how i did during my mocks, bent over the table set by the brightest light source, poring over textbooks, punching in numbers into the calculator, barely even looking up to watch the sun set in the dimmed horizon. Of course, while  this is the perfectly reasonable thing to do, considering the severe lack of time every A-Level student feels, my personality makeup has, predictably, chosen to rebel. So instead of spending the extended hours of drilling equations and theories into my head, i’m found slamming my files shut as soon as homework is done. Perhaps it’s because i haven’t really allowed myself to come to terms with the fact that it’s already 2009. Yes, while the world partied, counted down, and the likes of all things New Years-ish, i suppose it never really hit me. But now that i’m back in college, it feels more real. And perhaps more painful.

Now i hardly enjoy sitting around and mulling over things that have happened, wrapping myself in misery and sorrow (in other words, emo-ing), and i most certainly don’t fancy dedicating an entire post to it, but i reckon 2009 brought reality along with it. Half a year of studying my brains dry, and i’ll be a uni applicant. Let the half a year sail by, and i probably won’t even be in the country anymore. Let another half a year pass by (and a bit more) and i’ll be 20.

College truly does feel a bit emptier nowadays. I suppose that it’s true when they say “you never know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone”. I want to laugh when i think of the times when i used to think that there would always be next year to have lunch with Evie, to go for that movie with Huey-ee, to take that drive with Cow. And now, most of them are gone. Took an ECHO meeting for me to realise that most of the members are at most a week away from flying off to some other country. … I’m not sure anymore, if i can take it when someone i actually do know flies off. Could be JA. Could be Wen. Maybe even Win. God knows what i’ll do then.

Somehow i find myself grappling and struggling to swallow this. I suddenly struggle to remember when i left school, when academics actually kept me from doing the things i want to, to such an extreme extent.  Still the same face of a small girl stares back at me from the mirror, but i fail to remember when i had to stand up for and debate the logic of my decisions. When decisions were actually that influential. When it was up to me, and only me.  Maybe i’m desperate to find that moment in time when i actually grew up.

“  ‘For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,’
says the Lord, ‘thoughts of peace and not of evil,
to give you a future and a hope’.  “

[Jeremiah 29:11]

… And i’ll walk with You in my heart. Because sometimes it feels like that’s all i have.

“A superhuman heart beats in me”

~ lyn.